So, on Michael’s advice I decided to head to Malaysia to the island paradise.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I left Singapore slightly later than planned as I got a bit distracted by “Little India” and Indian food, amongst other things.\u00a0 I then spent far too long wandering round to find the bus and then got on without the correct change.\u00a0 Honestly, everyone else was getting on with their Oyster card type gadgets and I was standing there fumbling with a handful of coins and several notes.\u00a0 The driver didn’t look too amused and eventually figured out that I didn’t have enough money to get to where I wanted to go.\u00a0 I asked that he tell me when I had to get off (so to speak) and he said he would.\u00a0\u00a0 I was hopeful here that he would forget and thankfully he did.\u00a0 Either that or he couldn’t bear another conversation with the stupid English girl.\u00a0 For much of the journey a Malaysian woman spoke to me and informed me that I should have already changed my money and that it was a -long- way to Tioman island.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
When we got to the border I went through and saw the biggest queue ever.\u00a0 Having queued for some time there was this kind of bundle from behind and a massive number of people managed to get infront of me which was somewhat irksome.\u00a0 When I finally got through the border I almost wished I hadn’t as there was either a massive queue for a bus or a walk along a -long- causeway.\u00a0 I was told that it was a one kilometre walk but my bag suddenly appeared to have swallowed half the population of China and the prospect was so not appealing.\u00a0 So I started the journey with a face like death (for a change).\u00a0 A kind local man began chatting to me and actually offered to carry my bag.\u00a0 I feel a bit bad actually as I don’t think I was overly polite in my telling him it was heavy and that I could, indeed, manage by myself.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Eventually, after several stops, cursing and tutting I got across the causeway and someone offered me a taxi.\u00a0 When I got to the taxi not only was it clearly just some bloke’s car but it had a really dodgy repair of the rear triangle window.\u00a0 I spent all of five seconds wondering if he was the one who had put the window in and then gave up and decided to get in the (possibly stolen) car.\u00a0 I told the “taxi driver” that I wanted to go to a cheap hotel and he took me to a “guesthouse” out of town.\u00a0 Actually I don’t think it was that sinister but there were no shops or anything around it.\u00a0 I pointed this out and said that I wanted to be more central and he helpfully pointed to the Esso garage for me.\u00a0 He eventally got the idea (decided to waive his comission) and took me to another hotel, the “Grand paradise” hotel.\u00a0 Now with a name like that, and the fact that the place looked like a multi-storey car park, you know you’re onto a winner right?\u00a0 So I went in, asked how much it was, had absolutely no idea what the currency conversion was, agreed, paid and went to my room.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The lift itself was somewhat concerning and I thought more than once about plunging to my death.\u00a0 I didn’t and when I got out on the fourth floor I was greeted by a windowless hallway with bright turquoise carpets (well bright where they weren’t stained) and red writing on the walls which red “Keluar”.\u00a0\u00a0 This immediately made me think of White Russians but, having seen it since, I actually think it means exit or fire escape or something.\u00a0 When I got to my room I opened the door and was actually amazingly pleasantly surprised.\u00a0 The room was really big with a double bed and a single bed and one entire wall was big windows with a view of the city scape.\u00a0 Admittedly it wasn’t in the best decorative order and I wouldn’t be using the bath for anything other than showering, but I kind of liked it.\u00a0 The room was really retro with the coolest 70s type control box next to the bed.\u00a0 I later checked exchange rates online and found out that the room was costing me the princely sum of around thirteen pounds.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The following morning I expored the town a bit more and spent an insane amount of time online uploading pictures.\u00a0 I also discovered that the street restaurant opposite my hotel not only did great food but the most amazing shakes.\u00a0 My favourite was the blueberry ice blend.\u00a0 Mmmm, actually that’s making me want one now thinking about it.\u00a0 In the evening I wandered around the street-side parks and received a fair few unwanted comments, some from one particular man were so obscene that I’m not going to write them.\u00a0 Honestly, I was shocked!\u00a0 Can’t people see how sweet and innocent and easily offended I am?\u00a0 At one point I was taking photos of a fountain and another man, who had also made suggestions\u00a0and invitations which I wasn’t overly ready to accept, proceeded to undo his flies.\u00a0 I wasn’t sure if he was about to relieve himself, actually I was but I wasn’t sure which version of relief he was about to apply, so I quickly walked away deciding that I had slightly preferable things to take photos of.\u00a0 Okay, sorry about that one, I’ll move on.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
So……….on the Thursday I was still in Johor Bahru and was quickly realising that I either needed to leave for Tioman island sharpish or have no time in Singapore at all.\u00a0 Despite the somewhat strange attention I liked Johor Bahru.\u00a0 It had a good atmosphere, great food and the area I was staying in was bustling with food stalls, street vendors and cafes, late into the night.\u00a0 I decided that I would chill out, drink more shakes and do boring things like sort my laundry out and then head back to Singapore for two full days.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0Whilst in J.B. I spent way too much time shopping.\u00a0 I was really near City Square which was an awesome shopping centre with an area at one end which was set up more like stalls and was the young and trendy place for fashion buys.\u00a0 I also ventured out to a shopping mall some distance out of town which was a bit like Bluewater or Lakeside.\u00a0 It was massive actually and full of “proper shops” like Topshop and Nike which didn’t appeal so much.\u00a0 I also ate a lot of great food at crazily low prices.\u00a0 One of my favourite meals was a kind of buffet where I had chilied mussels (I wasn’t quite aware just how hot they were when I was spooning them onto my plate), fish cake, oriental spinach and various vegetables (including some weird kind of dumpling thing) which cost me around two quid with a drink.\u00a0 Another past time I adopted in J.B. was buying a magazine, a shake and retiring to my room.\u00a0 Yes I know, you’re only young once right?\u00a0 Anyway the magazines were hilarious.\u00a0 Although a lot of the content was the same i.e. “how to please your man”, “the top tops for July” etc, there were some notable differences.\u00a0 One thing which struck me in “Marie Claire Malaysia” was the number of adverts for whitening cream and the emphasis in a lot of the articles about staying out of the sun.\u00a0 The magazine which caused me the greatest amusement was one called Cleo.\u00a0 There was an article in the July 08 edition of this called, “Men who rape then post it on the internet”.\u00a0 There was a “crimes caught on camera rapsheet” at the end of the article which stated the following:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
“In Australia, May 2006:\u00a0 Mobile phone footage of a group of Victorian girls viciously kicking another girl in the head was circulated on the Internet”<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Now I don’t know if it’s because I’m English but I had to re-read this about three times before I got the reference to the\u00a0place Victoria\u00a0rather than a group of nice girls wearing pleasant hats from the Victorian era!<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The article continued”<\/p>\n
“In Malaysia, November 2005″:\u00a0 A 23-year-old female Malay woman was detained at a police station was (sic) filmed doing ear squats in the nude by\u00a0a policeman using a mobile phone”.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Okay, I was completely lost by this one.\u00a0 Can someone please explain to me what ear squats are?<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I think that the strangest thing about the whole article, which was clearly taking the whole damning how horrendous line, was a box at the end with a graphic which said, “Be safe.\u00a0 Don’t leave any incriminating images or videos on your phone”.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Later in the magazine there was advice about how to phrase those difficult emails.\u00a0 I particularly liked the email advice for the “You’re dumped email”.\u00a0 The first is apparently what you should write:<\/p>\n
Subject:\u00a0 Don’t think it’s working out”<\/p>\n
“Dear Darren,<\/p>\n
I’ve been doing some thinking and, although we’ve had some great times (that roundabout after the pub springs to mind), I just don’t think it’s really happening between us – we’re just too different.\u00a0 But give me a shout if you want to go for a beer in the future – just so long the stupid football isn’t on.<\/p>\n
Take care,<\/p>\n
Susan.”<\/p>\n
Erm, is it just me or can you see some potential problems with that email?\u00a0 The what not to write email was just as good:<\/p>\n
Subject:\u00a0 “So long sucker!”<\/p>\n
“Dear Darren,<\/p>\n
So you got off with that cow I used to call a best friend.\u00a0 Well it’s your loss.\u00a0 Yes, you made me cry for three days straight over a pillow that still smells of you.\u00a0 But as Whitney says ‘It’s not right but it’s okay and I’m going to make it anyway.”<\/p>\n
Hot Susan.<\/p>\n
p.s. I hope I never, ever see you again.\u00a0 Except at Bernice and Mark’s wedding next month obviously.”<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Oh I would Soooo go for the second.\u00a0 I mean the Whitney quote is pure genius right?<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
You know I asked about the libel laws in a previous blog entry?\u00a0 Well, now I may need some legal advice on copyright law also.\u00a0 Hey ho, I’ll just share one more delight from the ever-amusing Cleo magazine.\u00a0 This one’s from the questions and answers page (they’re always so good but this one has the whole Asian gender line twist).<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
“Q:\u00a0 After years of having my man surreptitiously use my concealer to cover skin blemishes, I recently called him on it.\u00a0 He was a little shamefaced but I was totally cool with it and was really just having a laugh.\u00a0 The other day, however, I noticed a new bottle of concealer in our bathroom whch I hadn’t bought.\u00a0 In fact, it was one especially formulated for men.\u00a0 Which I thought was, a little, well, gay to be honest.\u00a0 I had no problem with him using mine, but something is odd about him buying his own.\u00a0 Am I crazy to feel this way?<\/p>\n
A:\u00a0 Yes, yes and yes.\u00a0 You don’t merely have double standards but may have just invented triple ones!\u00a0 The fact that he was using your products obviously niggled enough to prompt a comment, so when he remedies the situation, he’s now a little gay?\u00a0 Dude, check yourself.\u00a0 Nothing wrong with a bit of metrosexuality.\u00a0 It’s only when he starts using your eyeshadow or blush that there’s a problem.”<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Well dudes and dudettes, I hope you’ve all taken note, that’s all I can say!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So, on Michael’s advice I decided to head to Malaysia to the island paradise.\u00a0 \u00a0 I left Singapore slightly later than planned as I got a bit distracted by “Little India” and Indian food, amongst other things.\u00a0 I then spent far too long wandering round to find the bus and then got on without the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=79"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=79"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=79"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zelmastrip.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=79"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}